Self-esteem & Finding Worth: By Realizing Who You Are

 

On Struggling With Self-Esteem and Pride
I have struggled with self-esteem for as long as I can remember. I am writing this because I know many of you also struggle. When I am not fighting self-esteem, I'm usually fighting pride. Why self-esteem and pride? They seem opposite but are absolutely linked. When I was a child I began this self-destructive system of thinking to combat my insecurities. I would attempt to inflate myself by comparing myself to others. Some comparisons would inflate my pride. Others would chip away at my self-esteem.

My self-esteem hit an all-time low in junior high, when I was a child of God but had stopped trying to move forward in our relationship. There is no stationary with God! Like a river, if you think you are just sitting there you are actually moving farther away. Junior high, a difficult for anyone: with all the hormonal changes, drama, and the changes in peer relationships. Going through all that without seeking the love and guidance of my savior left me in dire straits. So when I finally began walking with God again my self-worth was in the gutter. That is when I wrote this poem: 

A Poem About My Struggle With Self-esteem
Not Just Another Frog
May 21, 2009

Life is empty.  
The world is gray.
I’m all alone at the end of the day.
I’ve been running down a bleak path,  
until my strength just will not come back.

I am filthy,
an utter mess.
The world has forsaken me.
I can feel no less.

Then you came and took my hand,
washed away the grime,
and willed me to stand.

Now maybe I’m crazy,

otherwise I’ve gone insane.
Yet I need to just stand here and scream your name.
The colors are changing;
the world is no longer the same.
Songs have meaning that I previously could not explain.

You’re the only one who has cared enough to take my hand and say,  
Darling you are beautiful in every way.

When others let me down,
then turn away and forget.
You’re there waiting to hold me,
you never forget.
When words come from people with snake-like tongues,
they can tear me down,
for many a wound they have stung.

But you’ll lift me up with you scarred hands and say,
“My child, you don’t believe a word.
They truly are blind,
if they cannot see.
You are wonderful,
so come walk with me.”

Everyday when people fail to know the real me,
I can stand among them.
In spite of their wrong,
for I am a Princess
and my Prince is strong.

Inspired by:           

But God demonstrates his own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8, NIV).

Charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. (Proverbs 31:30, NIV).

How I Have Battled for Self-esteem
To this day, I face a daily battle to see myself the way God sees me, and to love myself in a humble way. According to The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth am I here for?, "Humility isn't thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less." Some days are easier than others but by God's grace he is moving in my life, and showing me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).

Jesus would not have become human to be mocked, betrayed, abandoned, beaten, and murdered for someone who is worthless. Instead, he laid down his life because he loves us. It is in our relationship with him that we find worth and true humility.

If you are wrapped up in pride or are lacking in self-worth look to the cross. There you find humility. Yes it will be difficult! But we serve The Prince of Peace, King of Kings, and Lord of Lords. And we are children of God and our Prince IS STRONG!

 Additional material dealing with the self-worth :

Psalm 139

Videos:

1. The Chisel Skit: The Skit Guys 
2. A Snoodle’s Tale From Veggie Tales 
3. Lifehouse Everything Skit

Songs:

1. Help Me Believe: Donna Stuart  
2. Beloved & House of Mirrors: Tenth Avenue North 
3. More Beautiful You: Johnny Diaz 
4. Who Says: Selena Gomez & the Scene
5. Someone Worth Dying For: MIKESCHAIR  
6. Gold: Britt Nicole 
7. Firework: Katy Perry                                                                             
   
   
   What are songs or stories that remind you of your worth? Share in the comments below.

*Originally published on 7/25/12 and updated on 12/29/2018 

Sons not Sims: Making Decisions In God's Will

 

We were created to be sons (children) of God not Sims. Sims is a popular video game where you create and control a community and its inhabitants, who are known as Sims. The Sims are completely helpless. You have to tell them to do everything, right down to using the bathroom, and if you leave them alone too long they relieve themselves all over the floor. A Sim is the opposite of who we were created to be. We are children who are taught by the Father how to live, not Sims who are controlled and have no decision making abilities.

 
The Field of God's Will
I used to think of God’s will as a narrow little path that if you stepped off you were out of God’s will. Until God’s will was described to me using the metaphor of a field. God puts us in this field and tells us to go and do as we see fit for as long as we stay within the boundaries of the field. These boundaries being His law and who He created us to be. Coming to understand this showed me that His will allows for some freedom of choice. So much worry was taken off of my shoulders! I had been plagued with fears and questions of, I want to do this but what if it’s not in God’s will? Now I am not saying that God throws us into the world with no direction, for he tells us, “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you(James 1:5, NIV).” Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths (Proverbs 3:5-6, ESV).”

We May Have Some Direction
God tells us in these verses that if we seek him, he will give us understanding and if we trust him, he will make our paths straight. I am a firm believer that sometimes God puts ideas into our heads. I will go and visit someone off-the-wall and they will tell me my visit was an answer to prayer. I have also had people come and speak with me and this has been an answer to my prayers. Later, they shared with me they felt that God had wanted them to come and speak to me.

Sometimes God gives us choices in life and all possible decisions are of his will. So if you are faced with a choice and are praying about it, digging into the word about it, and have asked fellow believers what they think about your decision and there is no clear answer then either decision that you make could be in the will of God.

The Gift of Making Decisions
The way I picture this gift of decision making that God has given us is, when we are born we are completely reliant on our parents to make all of our decisions for us. As we grow our parents teach us and slowly allow us to use what we have learned to make informed decisions on our own. Parents are not expected to tell their kids to not stick your finger in the electric outlet every day for their whole lives.

In the same way God teaches us how to live. When we are young Christians, i.e. children in the faith, sometimes he outright shows us what to do. However, as we grow we are expected to take what he has taught us and use it to make wise decisions. Paul in 1 Corinthians 3:1-2 spoke of how Paul was feeding the Corinthians milk instead of solid food. Which was a metaphor for how he was teaching the Corinthians basic spiritual truths when they were spiritually old enough to be learning and exploring deeper spiritual truths. We are called to deeper growth in Christ where we will eat solid food and have the knowledge to make biblically based decisions.

How have you received direction from God?
What have you done when God's direction was unclear? 
Share in the comments below.

 
*originally posted on 7/6/12 and updated on 12/29/2018